- 4 o'clock -

A time for Welsh

The Welsh Dragon Interview…

Yep it's true, I have met the Welsh Dragon. You see, I went down the pub one night, can't tell you which one sorry, I was sworn to secrecy. But anyway, I walked in and bought a nice pint of the local beer and was just about to sit down by the bar when I suddenly noticed someone, or something, sat in a dark corner smoking. Well I decided to go and see who it was, being as I knew everyone who went to that pub, but this guy was new I'd never seen him before in my life, or so I thought anyway. So I walked up to him and was just about to say hello when he decided to have a smoke, when he suddenly lighted his cigarette by a burst of flame from his mouth it suddenly struck me who this was. I introduced myself and asked if I could sit down, the conversation after that is written below, RD being the Red Dragon,

 

RD : Well you can sit down if you want, but could do with a new drink first.

(I buy the Welsh Dragon a drink, pint of local ale. He necks half of it in one swing.)

Me : So what are you doing in this pub?

RD : Well you see, I'm on holiday down here at the moment, the wife had to come down to see someone or rather, god knows. Anyway, I got bored sat in that hotel, I had to find a nice quiet pub.

Me : So you're married?

RD : Not by choice, I just lost myself for one night, must have been pissed as hell. You see I met her in some night-club somewhere, and when she came around three months later with the news that she was, well, ohh Christ I couldn't believe it. Of course I had to do the respectable thing, what a fool I was.

(He then manages to neck the rest of the pint, I get to buy him another one!)

Me : So the great Welsh Dragon got caught by the oldest trick in the book!

RD : Do you like your hair, if I just happened to cough, it could be nasty for you. In fact I feel a cough coming on now…

Me : Umm sorry, here's you're drink.

RD : Hmm thanks.

Me : So you can do all this fire breathing stuff then can you?

RD : Yeah, but not much, these days it's only after a night out in town the night before. Have you ever seen really bad breath in the morning?

Me : Umm no not really.

RD : Yeah, I've had some really unpleasant experiences with this bad breath, there was this time, I was just giving her a goodnight kiss, when all of a sudden I just, you know, breathed out, and, well, ohh god it was one hell of a mess…

(I'm speechless at this)

RD : Hello, hello, anybody home, oi wake up, it's my round I suppose.

(The Welsh Dragon gets the drinks in. He's halfway down his before he sits down!)

Me : So you are the proper Welsh Dragon?

RD : Well it's been a long time since I've been recognised, but yeah, I'm the original Welsh Dragon. Everybody in the land used to know who I was, and then, well I got married, she doesn't let me out much now…

Me : She's really go you round her little finger hasn't she!

RD : I meant what I said about that cough.

Me : Oh sorry. So do you have any hobbies?

RD : I used too, things like burning villages down, killing people, you know the things all dragons get up too, well like I said that b***h won't let me out as much as she used too. I really hate her at times.

Me : Why don't you know, just get rid of her?

RD : I tried, the lawyer said I had no real cause to leave her, she'd get everything that’s mine, no way!!

Me : I meant why don't you just flame her?

RD : What? Oh I see, umm well I haven't really thought about it, I could do, but I took the vow, now I'm just waiting for the cow to f**k off and die.

Me : Come on she must have some good points then.

RD : Well she can cook, does a wonderful roast!

Me : You must be handy for that, no need for an oven, you just breath at it, soon boiling.

(The Welsh Dragon gives me a really nasty look)

Me : Another drink?

RD : Double whisky. Proper stuff not that cheap rubbish.

Me : Nice.

(I get the drinks, hang on that's my third round, he's only bought one!)

RD : We've got an oven, in fact it's a fully fitted kitchen!

Me : A fully fitted kitchen in a cave?

RD : What? What's wrong with you, no one lives in caves these days, I've got a lovely cottage in North Wales.

Me : Just wondering, what football team do you support?

RD : Wrexham, the best by far, and now we've got Rush as well we're going to the 1st division this year!

Me : Do you support Wales in rugby and football.

RD : Well I've got to really, they'll come back one day, you watch out for our new rugby side, we'll show them!

Me : Wow, you've finished that drink already.

RD : Yeah, Ok I'd love another one.

Me : Didn't know I was offering!

RD : You want to ask me more questions?

(I give up and get him another whisky, 4-1 great this. The Welsh Dragon is looking quite pissed by now)

RD : Cheers!

Me : Yep! So what's it like being a legend?

RD : C**p. No-one really cares anymore, they don't even think I exist! That's the problem, after a couple of centuries no-one seems to believe anymore, dead annoying that!

Me : Yeah, must be a bit of a bummer.

RD : Wow, who's she?

(The Welsh Dragon is staring at some six foot, blonde woman who just walked in)

Me : Oh that's Michelle, or…

RD : Well, I'm going to see what she wants to drink!

Me : Oh, I'll have another pint!

RD : Eh? Oh no chance, sod off.

Me : Hey you owe me a drink!

RD : Go away, I'm going to see this Michelle.

Me : Umm, I think, there's something I should tell you…

RD : Look, talk to me again and I'll toast ya.

Me : OK, you're choice, but I'm sure you won't like Mike, I mean Michelle.

RD : I'll decide that!

(The Welsh Dragon walks off in search of true love. Walks? About as straight as a Welsh road!)

Me : Have fun!!

RD : I think I will tonight!

 

Well if the Welsh Dragon ever reads this I'm sorry, it was really cruel not to tell you but, well, you didn't give me the chance. If I ever find out what happened afterwards I'll write it back, but I haven't seen the Welsh Dragon since, what a shame, he still owes me a drink.